“If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.” -Romans 12:18 (NIV)
“A gentle answer deflects anger, but harsh words make tempers flare.” –Proverbs 15:1 (NLT)
There is a principle to life called the 90/10 rule. What it basically says is that 10% of what happens to us in life is completely out of our control and that 90% of life is how we react to the 10% that is out of our control. Say for instance you’re on your way out the door to school and your little sister spills milk all over you at the breakfast table and you lose your temper and yell at her and make her cry which causes her to lock herself in her room which ends up making you late for school because she had to be convinced to come out of her room so you could get in the car to leave for school. Then since you were late you get called into the school principal’s office to be informed that you have to attend after-school detention causing you to miss the big game that you were supposed to participate in causing you to lose the championship game for your team. Talk about a bad day huh? See how if you would have just calmly handled the situation at the beginning, you could of avoided the downhill spiral that it caused. This may be an extreme example but this kind of thing happens.
What if this happens on a daily basis where you have the choice to control your reaction to a negative situation and go on with your day in a positive way? How about if we take it a step further and we would cut that sin out that we continue to do now instead of let it take us down a long landslide of sin and consequences for the rest of our life? We have a choice now! The decisions we make right now has consequences on the rest of our life. There are many guys sitting in prison at this very moment that wish they could have reacted better to a situation or that they would of cut a certain sin out of their life which lead to their getting caught and locked up.
Men, learn to chill out and be gentle with pure motives with the people you’re dealing with when something doesn’t go your way. It doesn’t make you manly to get all upset and yell and start punching things. It makes you look like a dumb, ignorant cave man. Be better than this! You ARE better than this! Count to 10, take a step back, take a breath, bite your tongue, and avoid a quick remark back to the person who offended you. Remember, a general rule of thumb is that if it feels good to say in the moment as a quick response back, it probably isn’t the right thing to say and you’ll probably end up regretting it. Don’t be so quick to rush to judgment and LEARN TO LISTEN! Get the facts first. Remaining calm in a troubling situation is a true sign of leadership and people will look to you for leadership in those moments while the people around you race around distraught, falling all over themselves. Remember, nobody wins or listens when you just start yelling out of anger back and forth. Actually, people go into “shut-down” mode. This kind of behavior only gets you into trouble. Remember, even in a court room the cross examination takes place to tell the whole story, not just the one side of the first person who tells their testimony to the jury. Be willing to put yourself in their shoes and try to see their viewpoint of the situation. Show them the respect that you would like from them and apologize if you’ve been offensive. This doesn’t necessarily mean your whole argument or viewpoint is wrong, but if you said something offensive to them or could have handled it better then take the high road and offer an apology of “I’m sorry,” NOT “I apologize.” The words “I’m sorry” just mean more than a generic apology and when you say it, MEAN IT. Maybe you weren’t wrong and you don’t have to apologize for that, but if you didn’t handle the situation with grace and love then you need to make it right out of respect and obedience to God. This is learning to be humble and selfless instead of demanding that you’re right and it’s “your way or the highway.” Learn to step back, take a breath, and wait to respond so you don’t respond out of anger. This applies to your text message conversations and work emails too, guys. Being able to control your reactions to negative situations is a huge step toward leadership in your daily life.
React right. The rest of your day and relationships depend on it.
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